Thursday, January 7, 2010

winter walk

Just walked to the post office. Snow has begun to fall - apparently we are going to be slammed with an inch or two. :-) The Wilmore snow removal pickup truck races past me and I can feel the driver's excitement. I don't share it. Cold takes one by surprise when there is no wind. First the bridge of my nose feels frozen under my glasses, then the tops of my ears. Ah, I say to myself, Perhaps it IS cold.

I go from the post office to Solomon's Porch, the local coffee shop. My feet slip and I almost fall when I go in the door. Water lays smattered on the painted cement floor. The woman serving me has a toque on her head (down here they call it a toboggan.) It is cold and uninviting in the shop. I sit with my hot coffee on a chair that is too long in the seat to be comfortable. I say hi to David.

A small fear creeps into my heart asking me if I am crawling toward depression. We are old adversaries, depression and I. Experience has made a large deposit of respect and well, fear in my soul regarding this enemy. I am vigilant.

The opposite of depression is not happiness. The opposite of depression is vitality.

Each of us must become aware and learn to possess our selves in this regard. What I mean by that is simple. I must watch my own life, and constantly take steps to adjust my journey back toward wellness. Learning what choices are personally life-giving and actively pursuing those things - this is my personal responsibility.

I know that when winter hits I must stand guard over my own soul. Vitality is a good measure of wellness. When vitality flags I can make choices to help myself: meditation, journal writing, quietness and sufficient rest, taking on small but productive tasks, exercise, giving care to my grooming, seeking out friends, getting a great novel from the library, and so on. Your list will be different.

Vitality is about having the energy to participate in life. Long ago I realized that winter was too long to lose my vitality during its darkness. But it is a struggle with my own soul, every year.


Anonymous said...

be vigilant about your vitality! and let others help when your vigilance wanes. tam

Mrs Moose said...

you are so damn wise.