Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Everyday Advent. Day 22

I was cleaning my office/prayer room today and found a tiny journal that I filled in 2007 throughout the spring. The whole journal is not more than 3 x 4 inches, maybe not that. A tiny book of 80 sheets filled during a BIG time in my life. I decided I am going to blog everyday-ish of advent from this journal.

"After a lot of inner turmoil I decided to stay as close to my own heart as possible." Henri Noewen from "In the Name of Jesus."

It strikes me as a strange thing that knowing and staying with one's own heart is a significant human struggle. You would think, basically, it should be a no-brainer. But it is a pretty big brainer. The journey into one's own heart is pretty much a life-time project.

In my journal I penned these questions: How close am I to my own heart now? Why did I crash (in l99l)? What have I recovered? What have I lost and not recovered?

The journey into one's heart is a sacred pilgrimage, and God is our fellow pilgrim. I am confident of this. Trying to find God, to find our journey outside of ourself, well, it just doesn't work. The closer we are to our own heart the more our life has the potential to be a source of life for others.

Today staying close to my own heart means risking and making choices that might not align with the conventions of my community, let alone the wider culture. But staying as close to my heart as possible is going to be my commitment in this decade.

Blogging again

For a couple years I have been working on other people's projects. But today I revisited my Amma talk and it is a rich journal of my thoughts.  If I hadn't blogged them I would have lost them.  I am starting today to blog again and out into light the musings if my soul. If you want, interact with them. Steal them. Use them. Make fun of me. We need to be alive together.

I love where life has taken me. I am an idea person but not a collector of ideas. I burst into life with each good idea and I plant it in my garden of life into which I invite all my friends. Pick what you like. My garden is not landscaping. It is a lumpy overgrown garden of Eden.

The community I live in is a community of ideas. Some are great and beautiful and some are not. Some open life into joy and some are like control top panty hose. ( I realize you men have no experience to draw on to understand that analogy. Precisely my point. What self-aware person would do that to themselves?)

Last night I dreamed we were moving into a new house the houses I dream of now are big and unfinished and have rooms I can't even find. Houses in my dreams have always represented my life. I am in a time of transition. It is going to be a slow and deep change. Blogging the journey will help me understand and enter what is coming.

In May I cross into a new decade - sixty. I am getting on my camel and seeking a star. A good season.

would do that to them