Friday, April 18, 2008

on not being watched

One of my values in life right now is to live as if I am not being watched. Children know how to do this. And I see it when I am with a person who is completely free. Then I feel free. I want to be that for others.

We impact each other. Recently a study illustrated that we are influenced to eat in the manner our friends eat. If we hang out with people who eat nachos every night we might also begin to eat nachos every night. Point being, we are not as autonomous as we think.

So, I want to be a modifying, non-anxious presence in the (often anxious) lives of people around me. I want to be that, and to be that accidentally. Which can only happen if I am, actually, a non-anxious person.
Like you, I am under constant pressure, invitation, drive, whatever - to achieve, to accomplish, to use as many options as possible, to know bright people. Every choice I face has to be considered in light of the direction I want my life to go, which is counter to the pressure I feel.
That my choice is moving toward gentleness may be invisible to anyone but me, for a time. I am going to trust that the whole will speak. And I am trusting that living as if I am not being watched will free others to live that way too.


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TheWeyrd1 said...

It is difficult to live as though no one is watching. On the other hand, those that you think might be watching (and judging) are often too busy worried about someone watching them to bother watching others...

Miranda said...

This is very good, and I have hope in you on living as no one is watching..I'm trying to do the same thing, check out my blog, it's the only one I have so you'll know, thank you and very good job.