Saturday, April 16, 2011
just can't sleep
I have had a headache tonight, all night. One of those headaches you even dream about and keep expecting to go away - it is the weather, barometric pressure and all that. Walter kept licking my face, with bad breath, which was also annoying. So at about 4:15 I got up and made a hot cup of milk and got my computer up and running. It is often in the early hours that I write to my kids in Indonesia and take time to post something.
Steve launched his sabbatical on Thursday with a dinner for his friends and leadership team at the church. I loved being in a room full of friends, fifty people who are all different but really do love and respect each other. Remarkable, really. In light of us entering the gift of extended sabbath time, I am seeking to live in the transcendent invitation - live with eyes and soul wide open to meaning, grace, good gifts and gentle promptings. This is preview weekend at my school and last night I spoke at the evening service. My topic was the faithfulness of God. In my reflections and reading I realized for the first time how closely the faithfulness of God is connected to his love. The loving faithfulness - the enduring love. God is not faithful because it is his work, he is faithful to us and all creation because he loves. Somehow that means a great deal to me. Everything meaningful is about relationships - even this. It makes sense, then, that scripture says he is not interested in our sacrifices to him or anyone else unless they are truly motivated by love.
Steve and I have been married 37 years this fall. He reminded me that we just passed the 40th anniversary of our first date. Said date was a walk to a local tennis court and a game of tennis wearing winter coats. On the way home he farted and I laughed and our relationship was cemented. But the point is - we are not faithful because we said we would be faithful. We are faithful because we love. I would not choose to do something to hurt our love. Nor would he. I don't worry that he is wishing for someone else to be his main person - not because he is obligated to me, but because I trust his love.
We can trust God's love - his enduring love. He will remain faithful to us because of love. And the action of that love is his engagement in our lives. He makes us strong, makes life rich and thick. I am pondering this beautiful idea as I sit here sipping warm (now tepid - bleh) milk at 5:30 in the morning, while Walter continues to try to lick my face. What is up with her?