Sunday, March 22, 2009
one twenty in the morning
It is one twenty in the morning and I cannot sleep. A loud snoring nose from somewhere in the bedroom woke me, I won't mention any names. I lay awake and the darkness allows me to feel my emotions and realize I have threads of fear woven through my being. Interesting.
It could be that my little grandson who lives in Indonesia has typhoid fever. Not good. He is in the hospital built in the fifties by Seventh Day Adventists. Thank God for Seventh Day Adventists who did this kind thing that has saved his life.
Or it could be that my friend is losing her home to unemployment and all that stuff. I sit in my beloved home and wonder how one deals with such a loss.
Perhaps it is about my long term friend who is living with cancer which also means living with chemo and exhaustion and all kinds of unhappy bodily stuff.
Or maybe just because I love my people so much, especially the wee ones, and so wish I could protect them. But I can't.
There are enough twists in life to make any of us fearful. This is why I pray. I get up at one twenty in the morning and sit on the couch by a light and simply pray.
I don't pray to make things all better, to fix things. I pray to orient myself, to make peace with life and to hope.
It makes sense to me to do this when it is one twenty in the morning and I can't sleep.