13 days to go

I am reading this book on the 17 Day Diet - and I have to say, I am starting to like this guy. He has all the usual stuff and good health information, but he also has some reality.

For instance - a whole chapter on the PMS diet in which you just darn well eat what you need to eat.

And the drink restrictions - particularly green tea. The advice is that green tea is best for you but if you hate it, have your cuppa coffee when you want.

And my favorite, and I quote, "6 Reasons Not to Freak Out about Being Fat."

1. Stronger Bones - a little meat on your frame can ward off osteoporosis. Weight bearing bones stay stronger. Those of us who are bigged bones are counting on this.

2. Healthier Hearts and Lower Risk of Diabetes - Women with larger thighs have a lower risk of heart disease and early death, says a study in the British Medical Journal. Love the Brits. I am going to live to be 110~!

3. Glowing Skin - recent twin studies have found that the sister with more weight was judged to have a more youthful look. A gaunt look can add years. I am personally aiming away from gauntness, although it is a challenge.

4. My personal favorite - Bigger Boobs. The more you weigh, the bigger they get. This is patently untrue. The only correlation is that when you lose weight you LOSE what precious boob cells you have. Gaining only gives you bigger thighs. See #2.

5. Increased Fertility - Underweight women were 72% more likely to miscarry, reports a London study. (Clearly the English have thought this all through.) A few extra pounds on overweight women had the effect of lowering miscarriage rates.

6. Faster Metabolism - More energy to operate bigger things. Which is great because the diet goal is to exercise 17 minutes per day. You get that big machine going and then it is time to stop. Works for me.

You gotta give this guy credit. He can encourage you whether you are big or small. I like that, frankly, because to a large extent we are what we are. I am now on day four of the 17 day diet. Big Steve is doing it with me, and that is funny to watch. I plop a plate in front of him - fish, a roasted tomato and half a zucchini, grilled. And he eats it. Must be a Christmas Miracle.

In five short days...

I ruined them.

My granddaughters came to me on Saturday in sparkling good health. I watched them, truly amazed at their good natures, humor, wit, adaptability, charm and utter joy of life.

This morning, one week later, sending them off to go home it was a complete opposite experience: meltdowns, sobbing, stomping upstairs, yelling, impatience, hurt feelings, ... and then start at meltdowns and read through the list again.

I can only conclude that I have, in a short seven days, wrought utter ruin.

If you have someone to ruin, I would suggest the following: late, or better yet, no bedtimes; feed them only pretend food which would include fast, fried, sweetened, and processed; avoid items such as milk, soy, anything green or red, and all legumes; say yes to every question; offer many times of low supervision; and a good dose of gifts and privileges. The human person can be corrupted in less than a week using this formula.

Sigh. My daughter is going to kill me.

If I Had Eight Hundred Billion Dollars (musical notes)

... I'd buy a new house...

No. No I wouldn't. If I had EIGHT HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS I would be cutting them from the US defense budget. Well, start at Four Hundred Billion but they expect to cut twice that. Hmmm, Mr. Speaker of the House, where will this leave us vulnerable? Is national security at risk?

I heard all about this on NPR, the left wing commie radio broadcast I wake up to every morning. Boy are those people hot about the economy. Anyway, I laid there with the great lump of Big Steve beside me, snoring into my right ear, and my NPR broadcaster droning on about the military cuts into my left, and I drifted into that half dreaming half thinking state.

What if we cut so much from the military budget that we couldn't fight anymore? What if there was no one to fly the plane to drop the bomb. What if Greece had to cut its military budget and so did North Korea. What would happen if there was NO MILITARY MONEY anywhere?!! Would those EIGHT HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS go to moms who are raising kids alone? Or to get braces for kids with teeth sticking out sideways? Or how about having medical care for everyone over 70? Oh Marilyn, stop being so socialist!!!

Okay, I thought-dreamed on. What if I had to cut EIGHT HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS from my very own defense budget. What would I cut? Oh, you didn't know I had a defense budget? I do and it is quite large. I spend it on protecting myself ... I use it to fortify my borders and protect my ass ets.

I could probably afford to cut some from my self righteousness budget that I draw from when someone criticizes me. I do have extra there. I could manage to cut some from my emotional energy stockpile that I dip into when I am feeling insecure and need to intimidate someone to make us (me) feel equal. Then of course there is the overspending on solid doors that I close on people who I imagine don't like me. Actually I have quite a defense budget.

So the US is going to cut EIGHT HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS from the defense budget. Hmmm. Bombs cost so much more than bread. Maybe we could drop bread instead of bombs just half the time - kind of a lottery where the bomber doesn't know what is loaded. That might equal EIGHT HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS.

I am not against the military. I will take my hat off to anyone who has paid a price for me to live in a country like this. My dream thinking is just wondering. Wondering what it would take to stop everything still for one minute. Kind of like Christmas morning in the song about Snoopy and The Red Baron. Just for one moment everyone stand still. No hurting, no killing, no hate. Deep inside I fear that we have gone past the tipping point and the one moment can never ever happen. Even without the extra EIGHT HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS.

Oscar Wilde said,

Young men want to remain faithful but can’t…
Old men want to be unfaithful but can’t.

I think it was Martin Luther who said (paraphrased from memory),

In his twenties a man is tempted by sex, in his thirties by money and in his forties by power. At fifty a man is tempted to think, 'my what a righteous man I've become.'

John Wesley said that

much of what we call holiness is simply old age.

(Now THAT is funny!)

Richard Rohr has a new book called, Falling Upward. One premise of the book is that the issues of spirituality in early life are different than those in later life. In early life, he says, we wrestle with the devil and with ourselves: sexuality, greed, lust, selfishness...stuff like that.

Then in later life we don't wrestle with the devil and flesh, we wrestle with God. Was it worth while to live for You? Who are You, anyway? Maybe nothing matters. This is a selfishness of a deeper kind.

When we are finished with the issues of early life we might tend to feel holy. I mean, I don't struggle with lots of the issues my young friends do. There is a deep tranquility in my life style and habits. I have learned healthy life skills and the value of faithfulness etc, but some of what is easy for me is simply the lack of desire to chase the juicy bone, no pun intended.

It is easy to point fingers at the sins of youth. The issues of maturity - wrestling with God - are left largely unspoken (at least in my circle of faith and friendship.) Except if you have coffee with me.

And I just have to add, if an old man is fumbling to get his zipper undone fast enough, he is lost on so many levels. Just saying.

Wild Hare Run

One of the benefits of living on the other side of the world (to us, literally) is opportunities. Our wonderful Kari (Ben's wife) just ran the Wild Hare run in Jakarta. (see google image of race)

The race was run in the dead of night, with everyone wearing a head-band with a coal-miner's kind of light on the front. Very little attraction for me, to be honest. I would find it a challenge to stay up all night and sit on the couch with a tiny reading light on my head-band.

love in a heat wave

If I let my husband drive the car that has air conditioning and have not love, I am just a honking horn. If I keep the house at 78 and keep all the household appliances off and have not love, I am an environmentally conscious nothing. If I blow my emergency menopause fan onto the woman beside me in line and have not love, I am only a nuisance.

Love is patient in hot weather, love is kind to other people who lose their victory. Love does not envy those at the pool, does not boast of its own time at the beach, is not proud of a tan. Love does not try to get the best place in the shade. It is not rude to plodding service people, it is not easily angered by the traffic slow downs. Love does not give the finger to the driver who cuts in after speeding past in the blocked lane. Love always honors the humanity of others, always trusts that they are just not at their best, always hopes there is ice cream in the freezer at home and always hangs on til the sun goes down.

Love never fails. Even in 100 degree weather. Give that a thought.

the spider and the wasp

The wasp is shiny black and fearfully big just inches from my face outside the kitchen window. Suddenly it connects with a few strands of spider web and seems confused that it can't just fly off.

The spider is gray and small, a quarter the size of the wasp, but fast. She speeds from her hiding place and leaps onto the head of the wasp, sinking her fangs into its head.
The wasp shivers violently and whips its stinger back and strikes the spider. In the spasms of the life and death struggle the wasp dislodges from its thready trap and leaps into the air, the spider still fiercely biting its head.

The wasp stings the spider over and over and the two of them bang against the window as the wasp uses its wings to try and escape what has now become part of itself.

Then in a burst of wild energy the wasp careens out of my view, spider and all, both striking and fighting with brutal aggressiveness. The web vibrates like a violin string and goes silent.

"If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other." Galatians 5:15

Somewhere there is a dead wasp in my garden, with a dead spider on top of it. All this is outside my periphery of vision, but I am as certain of the outcome as if I witnessed the end. The two have become one venomous interchange.

I stand by my window and think of how many times I have seen this enacted in life. Spouses stinging spouses. Coworkers biting and devouring coworkers. We watch it on TV - hateful destruction whose end is just beyond our vision. And our government is in the very act of this interplay right now.