on what matters

So last night I scrolled down through a lot of my old blogs - it was a fascinating look in the mirror and I was interested to see what has mattered to me. Ever wonder what matters to you? Do you know?

Steve often says that other men have wives who wake up in the morning and want a new dress or want to go out for dinner. I wake up and say, "Are you sure God really exists?"

Stuff like that. Hard to answer at 6:15 in the morning, even WITH coffee.

I don't ask those questions because I am of little faith. Although that may well be true. I think actually I am of HUGE faith because I can't leave God, although sometimes I have to sit on the other side of the room than He. A friend told me a couple days ago that she and God are not talking. At all. I was able to assure her that He was all right with that.

I am reading a novel that has a moment when the boy who has only known terror and abuse has a sudden redemption that will affect all his life. The author wrote, "He was trying to discover some obscure figure in the carpet from the randomness of his own fate. It did not look like the work of God, but it might have represented the hand of a God with a joyous sense of humor, a dancing God who loved mischief as much as prayer and playfulness as much as mischief."

Now I don't know everything, or even some of everything. But I do know that God is full of some kind of ridiculous joy, is the one who tickles children in church and who lets us be any kind of mess we truly are. My questions are there because I really do believe.